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In For Parents For Pregnancy Wellness ·

3 Things I Wish I Knew About Postpartum

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Read Time:5 Minute, 36 Second

Body dysmorphia can happen to anybody – and pregnant me was NOT prepared for postpartum.

Here I was, this vegan and physically active woman, who followed lists and never forgot what she needed to get done that day. She could sit fully focused and bang out a work project in one sitting, and she had the ultimate discipline in every area of her life.

This girl was going to master pregnancy – and she did. Before getting pregnant, I mentally and emotionally prepared myself for this stage. I was ready to change physically, I was ready to support myself, and most importantly nurture myself. I was able to put myself first and really listen to what my body needed throughout my pregnancy journey. I’m going to be honest and say it paid off – I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect experience.

But then I gave birth, and the fallacies of “I got it together” and “Nothing can bring me down” shattered into a million pieces. Now I was surrounded by the rubble and dust of the past burning my pupils in shock over how quickly it all collapsed.

Here’s when I got my first warning from the nurse, “You’re going to experience what we call the baby blues, but don’t worry it’s temporary.”

What I actually needed to hear at that moment was:

 This shit is intense, you’re gonna spiral, and it’s okay to not feel in control.

Aumatma Shah, a fertility specialist, and a naturopathic doctor tells Parents.com that “Pregnancy offers a surge of hormones and neurotransmitters that help us help us feel great. But what happens to those feel-good pregnancy hormones once your baby is born? Unfortunately, immediately postpartum and the week following delivery, estrogen and progesterone will both plummet.”

Nobody tells you that the hormonal changes in pregnancy vastly differ from the hormonal changes post-partum. You see, I was unphased by the nurse’s warning because I had already dealt with volatile hormones for 10 months, what’s a few more?

Screw a swanky baby shower and perfectly curated nursery, I should have had a “Tell me about your episodes of psychosis” party.

Had I known I was going to completely lose my shit over and over, I probably would have been much easier on myself when it was happening.

But over time, the chaos becomes your new normal, and you navigate this new person a little better, and I’m not talking about the baby!

I think a lot of parents can agree with me when I say, hitting the one-year mark with your kids provides a new level of freedom. Now they’re sleeping(ish), they’re walking, and sometimes they are done breastfeeding, and now you’re feeling ready to step out of the demolition zone you’ve been in so long.

I was ready to get back to things that made me feel good, whether it was hot yoga on Saturdays or a lunch out with my girlfriends. What I wanted more than anything, was to get dolled up and out of my breastmilk-stained sweats and feel like a person in society again.

Here’s another golden nugget I wish I knew:

Regardless of body type and genes, your body will change.

Post-birth, I had the misconception that I’d return to my original body. Yeah sure, I’d probably have stretch marks and some loose skin. Of course, after breastfeeding my chest would be a little different. And then I stopped breastfeeding, and here I am, confused amidst the rubble again.

I lost all of my pregnancy weight within two weeks of giving birth. This was largely in part because I was still maintaining my vegan diet. My body overall seemed to be the same, but it felt different. My shape was different, how I fit in my existing clothes was different. But I still fit in the same pant size, so I didn’t pay much mind.

When I decided to revert back to an omni-diet after I stopped breastfeeding, I started to fill up. And to my surprise, I absolutely loved the extra weight!

I looked in the mirror and noticed all these new additions I had never had before having a baby. My breasts were much larger, my hips were wider and curvier, and my butt was juicier. What’s not to love?

Then I went clothes shopping, and a mental breakdown ensued.

I wandered into the store grabbing items to try on, making sure to pick out things that were a size up than my usual – no big deal. Then I got into the dressing room and went through pairs of jeans in total shock – I had gone up two to three pant sizes.

This body was a complete stranger to me. Who is she?

I immediately started crying and began to think of ways I could lose some weight. Then I stopped myself and said, “You loved your body before you walked into this dressing room, why are you trying to change it now?”

I pulled myself together and returned to the clothing rack and grabbed more clothes, this time in the sizes that fit, and tried on full outfits until I felt positive about what I was wearing.

The more that I did it, I realized that I had not given myself the opportunity to get to know my new body. To appreciate her, and to flatter her greatest assets.

This brought me to my next big realization:

We can’t resurrect versions of ourselves we’ve outgrown.

As creators of life, we are challenged to transform our entire being. We are not only stretching out our bodies, changing our chemical and biological makeup but we are also faced with the dark night of the soul.

The process of physically creating a baby not only expands us out to the point where are organs are constricted, but also the wounds we’ve buried so deep inside are pushed to the surface.

We torture ourselves during this process, and we take it out on our physical vessel. She is only a direct reflection of the complete work of God that is happening inside of us, and in order to hold space for ourselves, we need to exercise this patience with our physical appearance.

Whether you are curvy, slender, athletic or something different altogether – you are not the same person you were before you created life.

You are now God in the flesh. You are the phoenix rising from the ashes (or in this case, rubble).

If you are anything like me, who was not totally prepared for the war I was about to fight, know this: You are built for this.

 

 

About Post Author

Krystal Martinez

Krystal is a writer and content creator for The Unconventional Mom. As a healer and spiritual teacher, she uses her knowledge of self to curate messages focused on the sovereign state. Krystal is also mother to a toddler, and a freelance writer for various brands and businesses.
support@theumom.com
http://theumom.com
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In For Pregnancy Wellness ·

Why Breastfeeding Made Me a Better Person

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Read Time:5 Minute, 51 Second

Today’s confession: I used to judge moms who chose not to breastfeed.

Then I did it and learned it was the hardest thing I have ever done.

According to reports by the CDC for breastfeeding, “Sixty percent of mothers do not breastfeed for as long as they intend to.”

There’s lots of hearsay when it comes to pregnancy and even talk about what birth is like, but you’re left out to dry when it comes to the post-partum experience. No one warned me about the possible struggles with latching, the engorgement that almost broke my back, and the cut nipples that took months to heal.

Sure, I was told it’s hard at first and gets easier – but why isn’t anyone addressing the elephant in the room?

Breastfeeding is not only an art; it’s an Olympic sport. And do you know what Olympic athletes spend most of their time on? Their mental stamina.

To say breastfeeding fed me a nice piece of humble pie as a push present is an understatement.

Suddenly, every fear I have ever harbored (and let’s be honest, we tend to suppress many) was surfacing. Now it wasn’t only about feeding my newborn; it was a war between me and myself.

Every time he would feed too long, or I was “touched out,” it was a moment in the trenches: Thoughts of being a failure, feeling alone, not being good enough, not worthy.

Did I seriously choose this voluntarily?

Here’s why I decided to stick it out – even when I wanted to quit:

It Showed Me I Am Capable of More Than I Think

I have always considered myself to be strong-willed. I wore it like a nametag. When it came to the thought of motherhood, I thought, I got this in the bag.

And then I didn’t.

So, I followed a mantra that worked best for me: Focus on what’s in front of me.

When I kept my energy contained in what was happening that day, in that hour, at the moment, all of a sudden, I would look back and realize I got through things I didn’t think I would.

Just giving myself the space and the grace to go at my own pace allowed me to expand my level of capability far more than I ever could have imagined.

When I separated from my husband, I spent weeks trembling with fear that I had to mother alone. The mere thought of doing it without him paralyzed me. It clenched my chest and curdled my organs.

How do single moms do it?

Night feedings alone? Impossible.

After I had my pity party, I tied up my hair, slipped on my combat boots, and I went out to look for what I needed: resources to teach me how to do it.

And I did. I created a live-in nanny situation (I got creative with pay), and she happened to be a mother of three. She taught me how to be self-sufficient, and when I wanted to pout and give up, she’d feed me a home-cooked meal and then lit a fire under me to keep going. When I felt I was ready, we parted ways, and I entered a new chapter of life on my own.

It’s now over two years later, and I barely recognize the woman who thought she couldn’t do it.

I Discovered I Was My Biggest Critic

When you create awareness around how you talk to yourself, you will be shocked at what you hear.

People tend to confuse our conscience as our soul, that is to say, our true moral compass speaking to us. But in reality, it’s our mind, also known as the ego.

The mind’s primary function is to keep us alive – which means it only knows survival.

We go about our day allowing these streams of thought to come in and out, like what to get at the grocery store or how mad your mother-in-law made you at Sunday dinner. We are so used to that chatter that we don’t hear some of the other things floating in; how we speak to ourselves.

After reading The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, I realized I was a mean girl.

I was inconsiderate and selfish if I didn’t have a high enough calorie intake to breastfeed. If I didn’t fit in a pair of jeans, I’d tell myself I was fat. If I forgot to run an errand, I would tell myself I was stupid.

I took this as an opportunity to rewire the way I spoke to myself.

How I did this was every time I said something harmful or judgmental to myself, I would correct myself out loud.

“I’m not fat; these pants just aren’t my size.”

“I forgot about the errand; it’s okay. I’ll get to it tomorrow.”

“I’m doing the best I can with my diet. Tomorrow is another day.”

Believe it or not, fake it till you make it works. Over time, the corrections I was making were replacing the original ones. Eventually, my natural responses were reinforcing and supportive.

I Stopped Living in Fear

There’s a reason why parents can’t sleep at night while you’re out with your friends or bawl their eyes out when they drop you off on move-in day for college. It’s because having a child is like having your organs laid out in the street, and at any moment, someone could trample them, and boom, you’re a ghost in limbo trying to finish lessons so you can go to heaven.

Okay, okay, in less theatrical imagery, kids are an extension of us.

I think I almost combusted from fear when I let my husband take the night shift for the first time. I came back out as soon he cried.

When we give birth, our entire biological chemistry changes – we literally turn into the bionic version of our former selves.

All this goes to say that acclimating to the extension takes time. We are navigating some murky waters, which sometimes tend to be diagnosed as the hovering parent, the wound-up parent, or the overcontrolling parent.

It’s normal. The key here is, don’t live there.

When I am clenching in fear, I am limiting myself, and I am inadvertently showing my child it is okay to limit himself.

When I changed the way I spoke to myself, I indirectly released my fear of my child becoming a whole person.

I know, that hits the soul.

When babies are born, the umbilical cord is no longer necessary, so both the mother and the baby trust that they’ll breathe on their own.

The breastfeeding journey isn’t for the faint of heart, but it’s a journey worth taking because it leads you back to yourself.

About Post Author

Krystal Martinez

Krystal is a writer and content creator for The Unconventional Mom. As a healer and spiritual teacher, she uses her knowledge of self to curate messages focused on the sovereign state. Krystal is also mother to a toddler, and a freelance writer for various brands and businesses.
support@theumom.com
http://theumom.com
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In Birth For Pregnancy ·

5 Life-Changing Reasons to Consider HypnoBirthing

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Read Time:5 Minute, 20 Second

In every movie with a birthing scene, we always watch the distressed mother sweating, maybe even crying, while doing Lamaze breathing frantically. The husband, partner, friend, or sometimes your friendly taxi driver is also breathing, unsure of how else to help.

Does labor have to be this awful?

For anyone having children in the last decade, the term “Lamaze” has become outdated and archaic, and the options for pre-birth preparations, in general, are pretty limited.

Like most first-timers, part of the nesting phase is finding any and all sources of information, so we are prepared for “the big day.” However, when I started to research birthing education, I quickly realized that most of these classes were to help new parents handle a newborn, such as how to hold the baby safely or how to change its diaper.

Well, not to be vain here, but what about me? Yes, learning how to take care of my baby is important, but who tells me how to give birth? I was not prepared to wing it.

This left me to scour pregnancy groups on Facebook, where I harassed experienced mothers and contemplated going broke to hire a doula. Then, something magical happened- I was introduced to HypnoBirthing.

According to the official HypnoBirthing Institute, Hypnobirthing “is a tried and proven method that guides and prepares a woman in giving birth in a peaceful and extraordinarily beautiful manner. It is a program that considers the psychological, as well as the physical, well-being of the mother, her birth partner, and the newborn, independent of context, whether that be in the quiet of a home, a hospital, or a birth center.”

How amazingly inclusive is that? One quick google search for the nearest practitioner and I was hooked.

Here are five reasons why HypnoBirthing should be an essential part of your birth plan:

  1. It Made Giving Birth Empowering, Not Scary

If Romcoms taught me anything, it’s that birth is terrifying. However, it’s not actually true – it just makes good tv. When I started class with my significant other, I was immediately supported not only by the practitioner but also by the other couples in the course. We had an instant bond – and that was that we were ready to take control of our birthing experience. Most of the context in HypnoBirthing, Fourth Edition: The breakthrough natural approach to safer, easier, more comfortable birthing – The Mongan Method is focused on eliminating the deep-rooted fears we hold about giving birth and how groundbreakingly freeing it is to experience birth in confidence.

“When you change the way you view birth, the way you birth will change.”

-Marie F. Mongan, Founder of HypnoBirthing, Mongan Method

  • It Gave Me Tools to Self-Regulate

For the mamas who have given birth already, you know that birth is very much an internal experience. Besides the obvious physical pain, it’s a mental game too. Having different ways to help myself navigate my thoughts and emotions were game-changers once I was in the thick of labor. Things like proper breathing (not exactly like the movies), setting the ambiance in your birthing space, and having a soundtrack of soothing music and positive affirmations are some of the ways I was able to stay balanced throughout my labor.

  • It Gave My Partner Ways to Assist Me

One of the most incredible benefits of this method is that the partner can be an active participant in labor and feel good in providing support.

Long gone are the days where dads waited in the waiting room for the doctor to announce their child was born – it takes two to make a baby, and it takes a village to birth one!

One of the pain-relieving exercises we were taught was used throughout my entire labor – where he was able to squeeze my hips during the peak of a contraction to relieve pain in my back. It is safe to say that I would have probably opted for the epidural had he not supported me this way.

Whether you choose to medicate or not during childbirth, the connection and bond created through these techniques made us more prepared as a couple, and I felt incredibly supported while I endured such a strenuous physical journey.

  • It Allowed Me to Be more present in the moment

When I was almost six meters dilated in labor, I took a nap. Yes, you read that right – I took a snooze, unmedicated, halfway to the finish line!

It was possible for me because I was able to master a meditative state that I learned in HypnoBirthing. In class, you will learn to deepen your breaths and make them last longer, allowing your body to relax enough to welcome a meditative state. With visualizations, you are then, while still very conscious, reach a level of hypnosis. In this pocket is where you are in power, where you can connect with your body and your baby and have complete faith that you are built to go through this experience.

These meditations can also be done with your partner, which can be helpful when you have the hustle and bustle of nurses in and out of the labor room.

  • It Gave me confidence I could do anything

If you can give birth, you can do anything.

Sometimes when we experience trauma during birth, we don’t believe that. Of course, emergencies happen, and delivery usually doesn’t go according to plan, but working through some internal resistance is an upper hand in any situation. In my personal experience, I had my heart set on delivering in a birthing center in a giant bathtub. When my water broke at home, I was made aware that it was no longer an option for me, as there was not enough staff to support me when in labor. My training with hypnobirthing kicked when I got this news – I immediately released the fear and the doubts that were starting to rise in my mind and reassured myself that no matter where I gave birth – I was ready. I was going to have a peaceful experience. In the end, I made it through 16-hour labor without any medication or even an IV, and I gave birth standing up.

Hypnobirthing not only gave me the birthing experience I wanted it to have, but it also made me into a total badass.

About Post Author

Krystal Martinez

Krystal is a writer and content creator for The Unconventional Mom. As a healer and spiritual teacher, she uses her knowledge of self to curate messages focused on the sovereign state. Krystal is also mother to a toddler, and a freelance writer for various brands and businesses.
support@theumom.com
http://theumom.com
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