TUM

In For Parents The Conscious Parent Ways to Grow ·

Why Do I Self-Sabotage?

0 0
Read Time:5 Minute, 56 Second

In this series, we will be covering common triggers that emerge in a parent/child dynamic and what those triggers are actually revealing so parents can take steps to heal the associated wounds.

What is a trigger? By definition, it is simply the CAUSE before effect. Just like stress can trigger a rash, your child can trigger an emotional response from you.

Now, if we stick to the stress rash analogy, we know that stress isn’t the root of the issue; something also triggered the stress. Let’s say you’re late completing a project at work, which has caused your stress levels to spike, resulting in a rash.

Most people would conclude that if you simply plan better with work projects, it will reduce your stress and therefore cure the rash.

But guess what, the next project comes, and the rash returns. This is because the ROOT pattern has not been addressed, and this is often a band-aid tactic we use when we learn our triggers.

You may be great at identifying your wounds, but it keeps you on a hamster wheel of trauma if you can’t heal them.

In part three of this series, we address the root pattern of Self Sabotage.

 

It is programming that holds hands with unworthiness. However, how it affects our relationships is a little bit different.

Self-sabotage is the act of self-torture or self-inflicted punishment. 

It means you are the abuser and the abused.

 

Because we are playing both roles in this tango dance, it can cause a sense of whiplash or rollercoaster movement in all of your relationships. One moment you are flying high, perhaps a lovely gift enters your life, and yes, you enjoy it for a little while, and then the panic sets in, and well, that’s your cue to flip from roles. 

Suddenly, you are doing everything in your power to destroy the blessing you had been given, even if that means obliterating everyone in the way.

Let’s breakdown the evolution that happens when we start in one role and end in the other:

The first reaction, which is the base of all trauma, is fear. When it comes to self-sabotage, this sense of fear is slow-burning; it’s not immediate fire alarms going off, but more like the low battery sound beeping every ten minutes until you do something about it.

When this caution sign goes up, ego takes full advantage and starts to create it’s perfectly chaotic narrative, that this slow burn gives time to lock-in. Perhaps the gift that entered was a partnership, and your ego’s narrative is that they are not up to par with you. You then lock-in

to the perception that dating this person would be a disservice to you, and maybe even to them, and then you devise a plan of action on how you will “exercise your voice,” which really means how you will shut them out.

This stage is vital because, without using discernment, it’s quite easy for you to slide into sabotaging, which is a point where it’s much harder to turn around. If you are someone who deeply identifies with self-sabotage programming, I implore you to stop here. Consider the narrative that the mind is creating and why you’ve decided at this point that there needs to be an immediate halt. 

Whether or not the partner is indeed a match, see it through. Why? Because that’s how you learn the lesson.

 

You are not saving yourself from anything when you stop a lesson halfway through; this is why self-sabotage is so cyclical, because you stop halfway, run back to the starting line, and start again, repeatedly.

So if you’ve gotten this far, the first step is to lean into the red flags and see what’s at the finish line. You have the free will to run the race again.

 

For this chronological breakdown, we’ll say you decided to jump ship, which means you have reached a decision to sabotage, or what I like to refer to as severing the potential timeline.

Mmmm. Let’s say that one again – sabotage is a severing of a potential timeline- the one where you learned the lesson.

Now, this can look a variety of different ways, depending on your survival mechanisms:

  • Acting out, so the other person backs away instead of you
  • Claim that you are advocating for yourself and it is a boundary decision
  • Completely shutting down and shutting them out (ghosting, blocking)

How it could look in a parent/child dynamic:

  • Extreme Mom guilt
  • Choosing to spend less time with your child(ren), claiming it’s for your mental health but really a form of escape
  • Choosing to be SAHM when you don’t want to be

After successfully severing your potential timeline, it means you have diverted and therefore forged another path – and this one is longer and more complex. This is the stage where guilt and depression set in – you feel the consequences of that severing, and your soul has recognized that you have decided on a longer path to the lesson. Of course, these feelings at the moment appear more surface-level; you convince yourself that your decision was in your best interest, blah blah blah. But at the core – this is really the root of your depression and disappointment- the setting in that you are your own abuser.

At the end of this plummeting dive down the sad and resentful rabbit hole, you decide there’s no going back now, and you must protect and respect the decision you’ve chosen. You pick your head up and move on, only to prepare yourself to do it all over again.

Sound familiar?

What Self Sabotage can feel like in the body:

  • Fatigue
  • Brain fog
  • Headaches
  • Scattered thoughts/body movement
  • Use of addictives remedies (herbal, drugs, and alcohol)

Now that you’ve bared the brunt of this beating, it’s time to give you a warm hug. I am here to tell you that you can stop this – you can stop escaping what could be, and that’s by accepting what is.

Accept it all – even when there is fear present, we move forward anyway. 

Let go of your loyalty and commitment to the word failure – failure is not a destination, and you cannot be dumped there.

It’s time to stop playing both roles in the tango dance; you are so tired. Trust in the process and allow yourself to be led by your God-self. Let the divine take the wheel and enjoy the dance.

Take a deep breath, and affirm the following mantra with me:

I am ready to release control

I understand that the only way out is through

I am strong enough to face my darkness

Because my light will outshine my old views

If you enjoyed part three of this series, please stay tuned for the five more installments. To stay up to date on our articles, subscribe here to receive our weekly round-up.

 

About Post Author

Krystal Martinez

Krystal is a writer and content creator for The Unconventional Mom. As a healer and spiritual teacher, she uses her knowledge of self to curate messages focused on the sovereign state. Krystal is also mother to a toddler, and a freelance writer for various brands and businesses.
support@theumom.com
http://theumom.com
Happy
Happy
0 %
Sad
Sad
0 %
Excited
Excited
0 %
Sleepy
Sleepy
0 %
Angry
Angry
0 %
Surprise
Surprise
0 %

In For Inspiration Ways to Grow ·

The Key to Manifestation is Aligned Action

1 0
Read Time:5 Minute, 17 Second

Google may supply you with the top articles on how to become a master manifester, but let’s be honest – if it was that easy we’d all be driving Lamborghinis by now.

 

I’m not going to list out all the ways to manifest because the information is out there. We know that visualization is important, we know that feeling how it feels to have something is critical.

 

We know that you need to know what you want and be specific about that want in order to attract it into your life.

 

However, I have done all these things repeatedly over a long period of time only to realize that nothing came of it. I’ve also manifested something in a matter of days, and it turns out it wasn’t even in alignment with me.

 

Manifesting is a form of creating, and when those juices are flowing we can easily illuminate the dark or the light without even realizing it. A good example is this:

 

Let’s say all day I say to myself, “I hope it doesn’t rain. I really hope it doesn’t rain during the ceremony later.” 

 

You may be thinking you are doing the rain dance with these convictions and saying to the Gods, “these are positive vibes for a sunny day!”

 

Sike – you’re actually emitting the vibration that you would like it to rain, because the focus is on it raining, and not on it being sunny – Are you picking up what I’m putting down?

 

This same idea applies when you are manifesting something with knowledge and purpose -you can do amazing things like journaling our goals or perhaps picking out furniture for a new apartment you haven’t gotten yet. 

 

These are ways to actively align you with the vibration needed to achieve the desired reality you seek.

 

But unfortunately, this is merely talking the talk without walking the walk, and here’s why:

 

You can’t put in the effort to align with a frequency just on the weekend or for a week when you’re feeling spicy to properly manifest what you want.

 

This is not a side hustle or a fun game, it’s stepping into a new reality.

 

That means that every thought, every action, and every decision should be in alignment with that reality.

 

You may be thinking – how the hell do I do this and still function like a normal human, and the answer is, change how you human.

 

To change how you human, you take aligned action.

 

Aligned action is the deliberate practice of moving through your day with the goal of only experiencing things that feel good to you – Decisions that feel expansive and light in your body.

 

As an entrepreneur, I was challenged with this quite a bit as I was the one controlling my schedule and could easily sway out of aligned action.

 

As a freelance writer, my client base is critical for my income. However, I noticed that when I concentrated on the number of clients or the number of projects I had, all I thought about was how much money I’d make that month. 

 

I was no longer present for the work, I wasn’t grounded in my day, because I was in hustle mode trying to add more to my plate instead.

 

This is not an aligned action, because it is taking me out of alignment.

 

As a result, I wasn’t getting the specific projects I wanted to work on, and I felt like I wasn’t successful in my efforts, even though I was actively working towards manifesting them.

 

I had to take a step back from my work and have a day to myself and sit with this. Sometimes when we think we’ve let go, we are actually holding on too tight, so I decide to relax my efforts and instead lean into the faith I had in my own ability as a writer.

 

The following day my only focus was on my writing. I wrote the pieces that were sitting in my heart and ready to be written, and I finished work in half the time.

 

I reached out to potential clients who had projects that filled my soul regardless of the pay. I didn’t count up my invoices or double-think my spending.

 

In fact, I spent more. I treated myself like my salary was double what it was.

 

I did this for a month. Guess what happened? I had the most impressive month to date. I had the highest measurable results, the quality of my writing landed me a dream job, and most of all, I was the happiest I’d ever been.

Aligned action frees you from the shackles of your ego.

 

This article I am writing as we speak is an aligned action. It’s wasn’t on my content calendar this week, but my soul said this is what I’d like to speak on today.

 

To clarify, aligned action is commonly missed when manifesting because we decide to do things that might help us manifest something but it’s not aligned with us as a person.

 

Big difference.

 

Understand that you won’t ever have to sacrifice your integrity to be worthy of something.

 

So instead of doing what you think you should do to attract a partner, to land your dream job, or afford that new house, start doing less.

 

Start dialing it back and focusing your full energy on the actions that really align with your heart – this is what moves mountains.

 

If you want a new job and feel the most in your pocket networking, forget all the time you spend trying to amp your resume and just go to networking events. Have faith that your ability to connect is what will present an amazing opportunity for you.

 

This is a new world, and in this reality, we are picking out the colors, creating the landscape, and deciding who’s in the portrait.  So harness that power you’ve watered down and lock into aligned action because we’ve got a blank canvas to fill.

 

About Post Author

Krystal Martinez

Krystal is a writer and content creator for The Unconventional Mom. As a healer and spiritual teacher, she uses her knowledge of self to curate messages focused on the sovereign state. Krystal is also mother to a toddler, and a freelance writer for various brands and businesses.
support@theumom.com
http://theumom.com
Happy
Happy
100 %
Sad
Sad
0 %
Excited
Excited
0 %
Sleepy
Sleepy
0 %
Angry
Angry
0 %
Surprise
Surprise
0 %

In For Parents The Conscious Parent Ways to Grow ·

Here’s Why Gentle Parenting Isn’t Working for You

0 0
Read Time:5 Minute, 4 Second

Gentle parenting is a crock of shit. I said it, but you were thinking it.

For the baby boomer generation, the fad was to deny and suppress the trauma altogether. You’ll hear your parents and grandparents say, well, you turned out fine, didn’t you?

For Millennials, it is all about admitting we have the trauma, then doing nothing about it, which I  refer to as spiritual bypassing.

Spiritual Bypassing is a form of avoiding or going around having to do the deep internal work necessary to grow. Things that fall into this category are toxic positivity, relying on psychedelics for “a moment with God,” or in the parenting realm: gentle parenting.

Listen, gentle parenting is not all bad – I am simply shedding light on how people are confusing what it is and how to utilize it.

The term “generational trauma” has become a total buzzword, and you’ll notice it all over the internet, especially with light-hearted memes and jokes referring to parenting.

Do I laugh? Absolutely. Does gentle parenting stop generational trauma? Absolutely not.

Let’s start with what gentle parenting actually is:

It is a box of tools. This box of tools is what parents can refer to when they need assistance learning how to RESPECT their child.

These techniques provided by teachers, coaches, therapists, etc., are excellent. They provide instruction, insight, and reassurance for parents ready to address their children differently because they recognize that they deserve it.

It is also the first step to recognizing in yourself (as the parent) that you experienced behaviors and patterns in your childhood that you don’t want to inflict on your child.

Here is where people start to get lost in the sauce.

While utilizing gentle parenting techniques does create space to change the narrative generationally, it does not stop the patterns from being passed on. The only way to not pass on patterning is to HEAL them in yourself, so they are not present for your children.

Let me give you an example of this.

My mother’s trauma from childhood was having an alcoholic mother, who put the responsibility on her to essentially raise her little sister. She, in turn, raised herself and others because she was not emotionally supported.

When my mother had me, she was deadset on not repeating the same mistakes. This meant she was never to drink, and she would never put the responsibility on me to care for my siblings. It is true – I did not have to experience these things.

But you know what I did experience?

A mother who meant well, but was never shown how to nurture, so she was emotionally absent my entire childhood. She focused on providing financially. Working to pay the bills and give the latest clothes and sneakers was the only way she knew how to show love.

What did this result in? I emotionally raised myself because she could not support me.

Do you see now that even with a different narrative, it was still passed down the SAME generational trauma wound?

My grandmother, my mother, and then myself as a mother were a line of women who were shown they were undeserving of love and emotional support.

Had my mother taken steps to heal herself, she would have had the capacity to show up for me differently.

This brings us back full circle – This is why gentle parenting isn’t working for you.

If you are leaning on these techniques to stop the cycle of trauma from being passed down, you are spiritually bypassing.

The only way to stop the cycle is to EMBODY healthy patterns.

Too often we put all of our energy into our children; we put them first and ourselves last.

I feel another buzzword coming on… it’s always in good company with gentle parenting and trauma – TRIGGERS.

People who have not taken steps to start their healing journey often refer to gentle parenting techniques to AVOID and SUPPRESS triggers activated by their children.

This is not parenthood. There is a reason our children mirror back our wounds; it’s, so we do something about them.

You cannot escape yourself. And when you choose to deny, push away, or avoid the pain being presented in you, you indirectly show your children they should do the same with their pain.

INACTION is still an action.

We are not meant to suffer this deeply as parents. There is a reality where your children do not trigger you.

Hard to believe, right? Mainstream media has made a killing off of telling moms that having daily meltdowns and going into psychosis is part of being a parent.

Not in my reality!

Okay, you may be wondering; Krystal, you got a point here. But how do I start my healing journey?

It’s time to get help. If healing were easy, we wouldn’t be passing down ancestral trauma like it’s our job.

The best place to start is your childhood. Take a step forward by choosing to unpack it and look for resources that help you heal your inner child.

For me, this was so amazingly presented through a grief specialist. You don’t need to lose a loved one to see one – You can mourn experiences, people, places, and even the old you.

Life coaches, spiritual coaches, general therapists, and specialized therapists (I recommend grief and PTSD-focused) are great starting points.

Make the time. Carve out an hour a week that is concrete and non-negotiable so you can dive deeper into yourself. I don’t care how much your husband works or how many dance recitals and soccer games you have this week – if you want to stop the cycle, you have to change the cycle.

All in all – gentle parenting does nothing when it stands on its own.

But gentle parenting can be truly empowering if you use it as an added support while you do your shadow work.

Think of it like peanut butter and jelly, they are enjoyable individually, but they are out of this world together.

About Post Author

Krystal Martinez

Krystal is a writer and content creator for The Unconventional Mom. As a healer and spiritual teacher, she uses her knowledge of self to curate messages focused on the sovereign state. Krystal is also mother to a toddler, and a freelance writer for various brands and businesses.
support@theumom.com
http://theumom.com
Happy
Happy
100 %
Sad
Sad
0 %
Excited
Excited
0 %
Sleepy
Sleepy
0 %
Angry
Angry
0 %
Surprise
Surprise
0 %

In For Inspiration Ways to Grow ·

5 Ways to Take Your Power Back

0 0
Read Time:5 Minute, 52 Second

I once worked with a man who had a twin brother that everyone referred to as Skip.

In theory, it’s a classic nickname, but do you actually know anyone who goes by the name Skip?

I have always said that curiosity is the foundation of a conscious life, so of course, I had to get the scoop.

When I asked him how the nickname started, He paused to process the question and said he had never been asked before. After a few minutes, he shared the following story:

“Skip, and I used to work security together at an arena. One night during a slow shift with another guard, he ranted about people being followers. That all these people just followed the crowd and couldn’t think for themselves. I told him I didn’t think so and that many people think for themselves, even if it doesn’t seem like it. The guard said he could prove it and started calling my brother Skip to show nobody would question it. The next day he started calling my brother Skip, and sure enough, everyone at work started calling him by that name over time. And he was right; nobody ever asked why.”

In most cases, we are living in an illusion of power.

In a freakishly subtle way, we voluntarily give our power away with the perception that this decision is made from a powerful place.

When you embody a conscious perception, you choose to be an active participant in your own life. Meaning aware people are not afraid to challenge the status quo because it is the only way to decide for themselves.

If this has got your wheels turning, let’s keep going. Here are five ways you can take your power back, even in areas you didn’t know you gave it away:

  1. Get Curious

In an era where we buy memberships without reading the fine print and impulse buy based on a commercial, it’s easy to agree to things without asking if it makes sense for us to begin with.

 

Start to question everything! This is different from being a skeptic – skeptics come to the table with their minds ready to challenge the topic at hand; they are coming from the perception of “debunking” something. That’s not the vibration we aim for here because skepticism contains layers of judgment.

 

Instead, we are getting curious about a topic and how that topic feels to us, both emotionally and physically. Let’s say I am starting my freshman year of college, and I need to pick my major. I can choose the one that makes the most money or the safest option, so I know I don’t flunk out.

 

Or I can get curious about the options and ask myself which ones feel right for me.

 

Creating the habit of asking yourself how you feel about things will eventually lead you to notice that you have been acting from a passive point of view rather than an active one. Conscious thinkers are always authentically choosing for themselves instead of doing what is expected.

 

  1. Do your Shadow Work

This is where most people stop – nobody wants to hear that they need to face themselves to live a full life.

Bad news: you do.

Silverling: You’re going to wonder why you took so long to do it because, in this case, the grass is greener on the other side!

A great starting point for this is to move from a state of reaction to a form of response. Outside of surprise parties, impromptu proposals, and last-minute trips with your girlfriends, functioning from a state of impulse does not bring joy long-term. Bringing your awareness to how you react in any given moment and pausing to give yourself time to process completely transforms the outcome of that situation. When you take a moment to come back to yourself ask how you’d like to handle your response, you are now in full control.

Taking the time to dive deep and learning what makes us tick can serve as a real eye-opener, revealing the areas of our lives where perhaps we are giving away our power.

  1. Set Boundaries

If you took my advice on number two, you are probably already familiar with this topic.

 

If you are new to this, boundaries are parameters that you set with a person not to feel compromised emotionally, mentally, and physically. Everyone should have them, yet most of us are conditioned not to.

 

Being raised in a Latin household, my mother thought it was a joke when I tried to express my boundaries; after all, she paid the rent and made the rules.

 

So, we take this programming into adulthood, and we subconsciously think that we don’t need boundaries at work or with our partners and children.

 

We agree to lunches with the coworker who says slightly racist comments to us, so we aren’t “rude.”

 

We take on all the household work because we decided to stay home with the kids. After all, “it’s only fair since we aren’t working.”

 

We agree to jobs we hate because it has benefits.

 

That’s not living authentically. That’s not putting yourself first. Stand up for yourself and tell people how you will and will not be treated – because you don’t deserve anything less.

 

  1. Be Unapologetic with Every Decision

I’m going to be honest here: People don’t like it when you get your act together.

 

Some will gasp in shock; others will try to convince you otherwise. And a handful will guilt trip you for making that decision.

 

Can we talk about the audacity?

 

If you decide to shift onto a conscious life path, do it unwaveringly.

 

Get ready to have the birds talking, honey!

 

It isn’t with one foot dipped in the shallow end; it is a full dive into the deep end and our eyes open. If you fully commit to the decisions you make, no one can convince you otherwise, and that is when you are powerful.

 

 

  1. Don’t Judge Others for Making Different Decisions

So now we are righteous, getting curious, keeping our cool, and making decisions like a boss. With these new pair of eyes, you see life differently, and you can spot when someone perhaps is not exercising their power to the greatest of their ability.

If you have organic interactions with someone inspired by you to take their power back, we love that for them.

But just like you didn’t want that unsolicited opinion when you set boundaries, no one wants unsolicited advice from the awakened one either.

We can take our power back, but to maintain our power, we need to stay in our lane. That means that we are not only making our own decisions, but we are respecting the decisions of others.

 

 

 

 

 

 

About Post Author

Krystal Martinez

Krystal is a writer and content creator for The Unconventional Mom. As a healer and spiritual teacher, she uses her knowledge of self to curate messages focused on the sovereign state. Krystal is also mother to a toddler, and a freelance writer for various brands and businesses.
support@theumom.com
http://theumom.com
Happy
Happy
50 %
Sad
Sad
0 %
Excited
Excited
50 %
Sleepy
Sleepy
0 %
Angry
Angry
0 %
Surprise
Surprise
0 %

In For Inspiration Ways to Grow ·

3 Questions To Live Life More Consciously

0 0
Read Time:4 Minute, 6 Second

Babies only learn through trial and error. It’s how they discover their little hands and feet, or how they figure out they can crawl. They are constantly questioning their surroundings and their capabilities, and so they achieve again and again. We are there as proud parents cheering them on, not realizing that we have let go of the one crucial thing we came into this world with curiosity.

I have a lot of memories growing up where I can recall being so inquisitive. I’d study my mother and ask why she did things the way that she did, or I’d wonder why my body had to experience puberty.

Yes, we wonder things all the time, but the way we did it at a young age is not the same as we do as adults. Why? Because now we see things through a lens of judgments, not as they are. As children, we can consider things objectively. What I mean by this is, we haven’t yet been conditioned on how we should explore something.

When I was 24, I had a friend tell me about her journey with clean hair products. She explained to me how she researched all of the harmful chemicals in shampoo and conditioners and how she had started to make her own at home instead. At first, I was doubtful. How bad can it be? Then she started to tell me, and show me, how her hair improved after she made the switch, and I realized I had these very same problems with my hair. This conversation led me to ask a very important question to myself:

Could my current view on shampoo and conditioner be wrong?

I’m not even going to sugarcoat here – I became unhealthily obsessed with finding out.

This is the moment often referred to as “being cracked open.”

Yes, it’s just shampoo and conditioner we are talking about here, but really, I was in a state of exploration that was much deeper than that, I was questioning how I perceived my reality. It was really:

Could my current view on this topic be no longer true for me?

My lovely locks became the subject of my awakening journey, and I start to blog about my experience. This led me to change my stance on many other topics, and now I was feeling like totally woke babe.

I had switched all of my beauty products, and household products to organic, I went on a vegan diet.

Insert eye roll.

Then something happened – I was knocked off my high horse.

All of a sudden, my hair was so brittle and started to break. It was thinner and flat. I was mortified to think that I could be wrong about something I had spent so much time preaching.

Yet, this brought me to another, life-changing question?

Is it okay to pivot?

This allowed me to work through the limitations I was living in. My survival patterns of over structuring and controlling, and how they held me back from letting go.

I realized at that moment that we are often conditioned to think, if we don’t finish what we started or stay committed to something, we are a failure.

That’s not the case. We can try things, commit to things, even fully believe in things and then one day decide we don’t anymore.

This isn’t me saying impulsively try and drop things, this is me saying that when you are open to new information and that new information changes the way you feel about something, it’s okay to accept that.

Is there a right way at all?

Short answer? No.

Now if you’ve made it this far, I am going to poke the bear a bit more here – There is no such thing as right or wrong.

I’m not just talking about conceptual things; I am talking about any and everything.

It’s not a matter of something being right or wrong, because it just is.

When we can see things as they are, it becomes much easier to accept.

That’s the hard part, right? We don’t want to accept someone’s passed away or accept that the relationship is over.

But if we just accept it, even when we don’t like it, we stop taking it personally.

When we put things in buckets like right and wrong, we are putting what we believe on a pedestal and what we don’t believe beneath it. It creates friction, it insinuates division. These words, friction, division, are children of judgment.

We can have different beliefs, different standards while remaining on an even playing field. Please it or not, there is room for everyone.

Getting curious is an internal process and journey, and when we can embody the decision to inquire, we pave the way for other creators, inventors, and leaders.

 

About Post Author

Krystal Martinez

Krystal is a writer and content creator for The Unconventional Mom. As a healer and spiritual teacher, she uses her knowledge of self to curate messages focused on the sovereign state. Krystal is also mother to a toddler, and a freelance writer for various brands and businesses.
support@theumom.com
http://theumom.com
Happy
Happy
0 %
Sad
Sad
0 %
Excited
Excited
0 %
Sleepy
Sleepy
0 %
Angry
Angry
0 %
Surprise
Surprise
0 %

In For Parents The Conscious Parent Ways to Grow ·

Parents Guide: Creating Inner Peace in Your Daily Life

0 0
Read Time:5 Minute, 32 Second

If you’re a parent, chances are you are eating cold meals, skipping showers, and drinking large cups of coffee throughout the day. Family members and friends alike will tell you, “You need some self-care. Take some time for yourself!”

Easier said than done, right?

The reality is, some of us don’t have the support or ability to take large stretches away from our kids. Whether that’s lack of physical or financial support or you’re simply not ready to be away from your breastfeeding babe yet.

So how do you get a little bit more of the old you back, the identity that’s been on hiatus while you navigate parenthood, without leaving all your responsibilities on the back burner?

As a single mother with minimal support, I learned that peace comes in small increments, moments that were intentionally curated just for me. Now, this might sound like it won’t be enough to recover from an exhausting week, but the key here is to have these small increments frequently, so by the end of the week, you feel like you’ve taken accountability for your well-being as a person, not just as a mama.

Here are some ways you can incorporate small weekly wins so you feel more balanced, less drained, and more emotionally available for your loved ones:

Create a Morning Ritual

I don’t know about you but waking up to a screaming toddler and rolling out of bed before I have fully woken up from REM state is far from a peaceful start to my day. When we create a morning routine that allows us to center ourselves and mentally prepare for the day, we handle the day, regardless of how it goes, with much more grace. If you start your day in the sense of chaos or lack of control, that is the perception in which you are now experiencing the rest of your day. If you have kids that wake up early with guns blazing, wake up earlier. Even just setting your alarm thirty minutes before your kid’s typical wake time allows you to use the bathroom (a true luxury when you have small children) enjoy a hot cup of coffee and a morning stretch. If waking up earlier isn’t feasible for you, try incorporating some quiet time by suggesting activities that will occupy your little ones. Once my son was more self-sufficient, I started with a quick breakfast (sometimes I’d even meal prep breakfast) then set him up with his favorite show. This hack gives me time to make my coffee and do whatever I need to do to feel mentally prepared for the day.

When I was still working 9-5, I didn’t have any time to take a moment to myself. My turnaround time was just too tight, and so it was an organized circus until I got to my office. So I decided to get to work a little bit earlier (even if that means my morning window is a little tighter), and I would sit in my office with breakfast and a hot coffee that I packed and enjoyed in silence. Sometimes I’d read an article or casually go through emails. Even though those thirty minutes of quiet time came after a hectic morning, it recalibrated me for the day and shifted the tense energy I was carrying when I got to work.

Give Yourself One Hour to Do Nothing

I know what you’re thinking here; isn’t this counterintuitive? Hear me out. As parents, we are wired to constantly be moving and continuously multitask. When we do have some downtime, we usually plop on the couch with a nice glass of cabernet, but this, too, keeps us away from filling our tank. Does getting time to watch my favorite shows bring me joy? Absolutely. However, this is still providing a sense of constant stimulation, so you’ll notice that even when you do get to binge tv and lounge, it’s just simply not filling your tank.

Instead, try to schedule at least one hour a week (I recommend one hour a day if possible) where you take the time that allows you to just be, in whatever form is best for you. After my kids are in bed, take a hot bath and journal or paint for an hour. This provides some stillness in my life that I typically wouldn’t get if I didn’t prioritize it.

Here’s why it’s important to experience stillness: You need to mute the noise to hear yourself. In this hour of painting or journaling, I can into what’s going on inside emotionally, what I need at this moment, what stress I need to release.

Even if you can only do this once a week, I promise you that in a month’s time, you will feel more grounded, connected, and present. When we feel seen and cared for, we can show up much more authentically in our relationships. The only way we can fill these voids is by showing up for ourselves first.

Plan A Night Out At Least Once a Month

Once kids and marriage come into the picture, our friendships evolve. Planning gets difficult; communication turns inconsistent – Life just happens. As a new parent, I needed to hear that it’s okay to prioritize friend time.

I noticed that once I stopped being afraid of taking some girl time instead of mom duties, I was much more equipped to come home and be the best parent for my children.

Monthly planning, among even the busiest friends, is also very doable. It gives everyone ample time to move around schedules, find babysitters and take time off if necessary. That way, even if your group text chain has gone dry, you know you’ll catch up at lunch in two weeks. This type of quality time with those who are not your children or significant other also strengthens the independence on both ends – you learn it’s okay to do things for yourself, and your family learns it’s healthy to be away from you.

An amazing byproduct of all this is: You’re leading by example.

When it comes time for your children to become more independent and make decisions for themselves, their natural wiring will be to prioritize themselves. As a child who was trained to put others before me, can you understand the power of that knowledge? This provides a new tool in their arsenal to help them not just survive but thrive as adults.

When you create peace in your life, you are showing your children to lead a life of peace.

About Post Author

Krystal Martinez

Krystal is a writer and content creator for The Unconventional Mom. As a healer and spiritual teacher, she uses her knowledge of self to curate messages focused on the sovereign state. Krystal is also mother to a toddler, and a freelance writer for various brands and businesses.
support@theumom.com
http://theumom.com
Happy
Happy
0 %
Sad
Sad
0 %
Excited
Excited
100 %
Sleepy
Sleepy
0 %
Angry
Angry
0 %
Surprise
Surprise
0 %