• Bio
    • Professional Bio
  • Writing Samples
  • Blog
  • Contact Me

TUM

In For Parents For Pregnancy Wellness · April 20, 2022

3 Things I Wish I Knew About Postpartum

0 0
Read Time:5 Minute, 36 Second

Body dysmorphia can happen to anybody – and pregnant me was NOT prepared for postpartum.

Here I was, this vegan and physically active woman, who followed lists and never forgot what she needed to get done that day. She could sit fully focused and bang out a work project in one sitting, and she had the ultimate discipline in every area of her life.

This girl was going to master pregnancy – and she did. Before getting pregnant, I mentally and emotionally prepared myself for this stage. I was ready to change physically, I was ready to support myself, and most importantly nurture myself. I was able to put myself first and really listen to what my body needed throughout my pregnancy journey. I’m going to be honest and say it paid off – I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect experience.

But then I gave birth, and the fallacies of “I got it together” and “Nothing can bring me down” shattered into a million pieces. Now I was surrounded by the rubble and dust of the past burning my pupils in shock over how quickly it all collapsed.

Here’s when I got my first warning from the nurse, “You’re going to experience what we call the baby blues, but don’t worry it’s temporary.”

What I actually needed to hear at that moment was:

 This shit is intense, you’re gonna spiral, and it’s okay to not feel in control.

Aumatma Shah, a fertility specialist, and a naturopathic doctor tells Parents.com that “Pregnancy offers a surge of hormones and neurotransmitters that help us help us feel great. But what happens to those feel-good pregnancy hormones once your baby is born? Unfortunately, immediately postpartum and the week following delivery, estrogen and progesterone will both plummet.”

Nobody tells you that the hormonal changes in pregnancy vastly differ from the hormonal changes post-partum. You see, I was unphased by the nurse’s warning because I had already dealt with volatile hormones for 10 months, what’s a few more?

Screw a swanky baby shower and perfectly curated nursery, I should have had a “Tell me about your episodes of psychosis” party.

Had I known I was going to completely lose my shit over and over, I probably would have been much easier on myself when it was happening.

But over time, the chaos becomes your new normal, and you navigate this new person a little better, and I’m not talking about the baby!

I think a lot of parents can agree with me when I say, hitting the one-year mark with your kids provides a new level of freedom. Now they’re sleeping(ish), they’re walking, and sometimes they are done breastfeeding, and now you’re feeling ready to step out of the demolition zone you’ve been in so long.

I was ready to get back to things that made me feel good, whether it was hot yoga on Saturdays or a lunch out with my girlfriends. What I wanted more than anything, was to get dolled up and out of my breastmilk-stained sweats and feel like a person in society again.

Here’s another golden nugget I wish I knew:

Regardless of body type and genes, your body will change.

Post-birth, I had the misconception that I’d return to my original body. Yeah sure, I’d probably have stretch marks and some loose skin. Of course, after breastfeeding my chest would be a little different. And then I stopped breastfeeding, and here I am, confused amidst the rubble again.

I lost all of my pregnancy weight within two weeks of giving birth. This was largely in part because I was still maintaining my vegan diet. My body overall seemed to be the same, but it felt different. My shape was different, how I fit in my existing clothes was different. But I still fit in the same pant size, so I didn’t pay much mind.

When I decided to revert back to an omni-diet after I stopped breastfeeding, I started to fill up. And to my surprise, I absolutely loved the extra weight!

I looked in the mirror and noticed all these new additions I had never had before having a baby. My breasts were much larger, my hips were wider and curvier, and my butt was juicier. What’s not to love?

Then I went clothes shopping, and a mental breakdown ensued.

I wandered into the store grabbing items to try on, making sure to pick out things that were a size up than my usual – no big deal. Then I got into the dressing room and went through pairs of jeans in total shock – I had gone up two to three pant sizes.

This body was a complete stranger to me. Who is she?

I immediately started crying and began to think of ways I could lose some weight. Then I stopped myself and said, “You loved your body before you walked into this dressing room, why are you trying to change it now?”

I pulled myself together and returned to the clothing rack and grabbed more clothes, this time in the sizes that fit, and tried on full outfits until I felt positive about what I was wearing.

The more that I did it, I realized that I had not given myself the opportunity to get to know my new body. To appreciate her, and to flatter her greatest assets.

This brought me to my next big realization:

We can’t resurrect versions of ourselves we’ve outgrown.

As creators of life, we are challenged to transform our entire being. We are not only stretching out our bodies, changing our chemical and biological makeup but we are also faced with the dark night of the soul.

The process of physically creating a baby not only expands us out to the point where are organs are constricted, but also the wounds we’ve buried so deep inside are pushed to the surface.

We torture ourselves during this process, and we take it out on our physical vessel. She is only a direct reflection of the complete work of God that is happening inside of us, and in order to hold space for ourselves, we need to exercise this patience with our physical appearance.

Whether you are curvy, slender, athletic or something different altogether – you are not the same person you were before you created life.

You are now God in the flesh. You are the phoenix rising from the ashes (or in this case, rubble).

If you are anything like me, who was not totally prepared for the war I was about to fight, know this: You are built for this.

 

 

Share

Facebook
Twitter
Pinterest
LinkedIn

About Post Author

Krystal Martinez

Krystal is a writer and content creator for The Unconventional Mom. As a healer and spiritual teacher, she uses her knowledge of self to curate messages focused on the sovereign state. Krystal is also mother to a toddler, and a freelance writer for various brands and businesses.
support@theumom.com
http://theumom.com
Happy
Happy
0 0 %
Sad
Sad
0 0 %
Excited
Excited
0 0 %
Sleepy
Sleepy
0 0 %
Angry
Angry
0 0 %
Surprise
Surprise
0 0 %

1 Comment

In For Pregnancy Wellness · January 19, 2022

Why Breastfeeding Made Me a Better Person

1 0
Read Time:5 Minute, 51 Second

Today’s confession: I used to judge moms who chose not to breastfeed.

Then I did it and learned it was the hardest thing I have ever done.

According to reports by the CDC for breastfeeding, “Sixty percent of mothers do not breastfeed for as long as they intend to.”

There’s lots of hearsay when it comes to pregnancy and even talk about what birth is like, but you’re left out to dry when it comes to the post-partum experience. No one warned me about the possible struggles with latching, the engorgement that almost broke my back, and the cut nipples that took months to heal.

Sure, I was told it’s hard at first and gets easier – but why isn’t anyone addressing the elephant in the room?

Breastfeeding is not only an art; it’s an Olympic sport. And do you know what Olympic athletes spend most of their time on? Their mental stamina.

To say breastfeeding fed me a nice piece of humble pie as a push present is an understatement.

Suddenly, every fear I have ever harbored (and let’s be honest, we tend to suppress many) was surfacing. Now it wasn’t only about feeding my newborn; it was a war between me and myself.

Every time he would feed too long, or I was “touched out,” it was a moment in the trenches: Thoughts of being a failure, feeling alone, not being good enough, not worthy.

Did I seriously choose this voluntarily?

Here’s why I decided to stick it out – even when I wanted to quit:

It Showed Me I Am Capable of More Than I Think

I have always considered myself to be strong-willed. I wore it like a nametag. When it came to the thought of motherhood, I thought, I got this in the bag.

And then I didn’t.

So, I followed a mantra that worked best for me: Focus on what’s in front of me.

When I kept my energy contained in what was happening that day, in that hour, at the moment, all of a sudden, I would look back and realize I got through things I didn’t think I would.

Just giving myself the space and the grace to go at my own pace allowed me to expand my level of capability far more than I ever could have imagined.

When I separated from my husband, I spent weeks trembling with fear that I had to mother alone. The mere thought of doing it without him paralyzed me. It clenched my chest and curdled my organs.

How do single moms do it?

Night feedings alone? Impossible.

After I had my pity party, I tied up my hair, slipped on my combat boots, and I went out to look for what I needed: resources to teach me how to do it.

And I did. I created a live-in nanny situation (I got creative with pay), and she happened to be a mother of three. She taught me how to be self-sufficient, and when I wanted to pout and give up, she’d feed me a home-cooked meal and then lit a fire under me to keep going. When I felt I was ready, we parted ways, and I entered a new chapter of life on my own.

It’s now over two years later, and I barely recognize the woman who thought she couldn’t do it.

I Discovered I Was My Biggest Critic

When you create awareness around how you talk to yourself, you will be shocked at what you hear.

People tend to confuse our conscience as our soul, that is to say, our true moral compass speaking to us. But in reality, it’s our mind, also known as the ego.

The mind’s primary function is to keep us alive – which means it only knows survival.

We go about our day allowing these streams of thought to come in and out, like what to get at the grocery store or how mad your mother-in-law made you at Sunday dinner. We are so used to that chatter that we don’t hear some of the other things floating in; how we speak to ourselves.

After reading The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, I realized I was a mean girl.

I was inconsiderate and selfish if I didn’t have a high enough calorie intake to breastfeed. If I didn’t fit in a pair of jeans, I’d tell myself I was fat. If I forgot to run an errand, I would tell myself I was stupid.

I took this as an opportunity to rewire the way I spoke to myself.

How I did this was every time I said something harmful or judgmental to myself, I would correct myself out loud.

“I’m not fat; these pants just aren’t my size.”

“I forgot about the errand; it’s okay. I’ll get to it tomorrow.”

“I’m doing the best I can with my diet. Tomorrow is another day.”

Believe it or not, fake it till you make it works. Over time, the corrections I was making were replacing the original ones. Eventually, my natural responses were reinforcing and supportive.

I Stopped Living in Fear

There’s a reason why parents can’t sleep at night while you’re out with your friends or bawl their eyes out when they drop you off on move-in day for college. It’s because having a child is like having your organs laid out in the street, and at any moment, someone could trample them, and boom, you’re a ghost in limbo trying to finish lessons so you can go to heaven.

Okay, okay, in less theatrical imagery, kids are an extension of us.

I think I almost combusted from fear when I let my husband take the night shift for the first time. I came back out as soon he cried.

When we give birth, our entire biological chemistry changes – we literally turn into the bionic version of our former selves.

All this goes to say that acclimating to the extension takes time. We are navigating some murky waters, which sometimes tend to be diagnosed as the hovering parent, the wound-up parent, or the overcontrolling parent.

It’s normal. The key here is, don’t live there.

When I am clenching in fear, I am limiting myself, and I am inadvertently showing my child it is okay to limit himself.

When I changed the way I spoke to myself, I indirectly released my fear of my child becoming a whole person.

I know, that hits the soul.

When babies are born, the umbilical cord is no longer necessary, so both the mother and the baby trust that they’ll breathe on their own.

The breastfeeding journey isn’t for the faint of heart, but it’s a journey worth taking because it leads you back to yourself.

Share

Facebook
Twitter
Pinterest
LinkedIn

About Post Author

Krystal Martinez

Krystal is a writer and content creator for The Unconventional Mom. As a healer and spiritual teacher, she uses her knowledge of self to curate messages focused on the sovereign state. Krystal is also mother to a toddler, and a freelance writer for various brands and businesses.
support@theumom.com
http://theumom.com
Happy
Happy
0 0 %
Sad
Sad
0 0 %
Excited
Excited
0 0 %
Sleepy
Sleepy
0 0 %
Angry
Angry
0 0 %
Surprise
Surprise
0 0 %

Leave a Comment

  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
  • Pinterest
“A Butterfly In Passing,” by me 😉 “A Butterfly In Passing,” by me 😉
For some people family comes first, but not everyo For some people family comes first, but not everyone. Sometimes family is abusive. Sometimes they’re are toxic, or sometimes they simply don’t choose us. You are not obligated to put people first that hurt you or are bad for your mental health. Let’s normalize putting people first who make us feel safe - and that includes ourselves. Choose yourself by creating safe space for yourself, first, and then prioritize your relationships with that in mind- you’re worth it 💖

Follow for more @the_u_mom ✨
For some people family comes first, but not everyo For some people family comes first, but not everyone. Sometimes family is abusive. Sometimes they’re are toxic, or sometimes they simply don’t choose us. You are not obligated to put people first that hurt you or are bad for your mental health. Let’s normalize putting people first who make us feel safe - and that includes ourselves. Choose yourself by creating safe space for yourself, first, and then prioritize your relationships with that in mind- you’re worth it 💖

-The Unconventional Mom✨
I think everyone, at some point in their life, rom I think everyone, at some point in their life, romantic or platonic, has experienced this. We have had fathers leave us as young children, and mothers who are right in front of us but have mentally checked out. We’ve fallen in love with people who decided they didn’t love us back or had siblings that we poured our love into and it has never been reciprocated.

Let’s talk about why — link in bio!

- The Unconventional Mom✨
Felt called to share this one ✨❤️‍🔥 Felt called to share this one ✨❤️‍🔥
Yep — I’m talking to you!! My people who gras Yep — I’m talking to you!!

My people who grasp onto to daily schedules and goals and value self discipline, I am talking to you.

Let’s dive in to what it actually means to push yourself, and how you can shift that to a more aligned experience.

Click the link in our bio, or find the article in our “Article” highlight!

-The Unconventional Mom✨
Kids decide how they see themselves based on what Kids decide how they see themselves based on what they are seeing and experiencing in their family dynamics.

I love the videos of parents having their kids do affirmations in the mirror, but how many parents are actually doing them daily on their own? This is what your kids are actually absorbing.

We put so much focus on “teaching” our kids directly when the way they learn is by watching.

Instead focus on loving YOURSELF, so your child witnesses what it looks like to love yourself and choose yourself. What it looks like to have self love and empathy.

Talk about how you feel in front of your kids, like how grateful you are for tonight’s dinner and how much you love pasta.

Look at your curves and rolls in the mirror while you’re getting ready and say out loud in front of your kids and tell them how much you love your body and your outfit.

Show your kids how you work to better yourself everyday, and this will be your child’s natural instinct.

They will naturally do all these things with no direct lesson from you.

EMBODY the person you want your child to be.

Follow for more @the_u_mom ✨
Let’s talk JOY, baby. Click the link in our bio Let’s talk JOY, baby. Click the link in our bio our in our article highlights to get the scoop ❤️‍🔥

-The Unconventional Mom✨

#creating #creation #creatingjoy #sparkingjoy #consciousliving #consciousparent #consciouswriting #consciouswriter #freelancelife #freelancewriter #blogger #lifestyleblog #lifestylebloggers
Life is LONG when you choose to fully live in the Life is LONG when you choose to fully live in the PRESENT moment. When you relish in the seconds, time does something magical- it stretches and contracts. 

In this space you’ll see that life isn’t short, no in fact it gives you the time to be all the people you want to be.

I’m in my early 30s and I can tell you I have loved many lifetimes.

One where I travelled the world with friends in college.

Another where I worked in corporate, and another when I lost it all.

We are always putting pressure on ourselves to “get it right” but is there such a thing?

Live for who you want to be right NOW and you’ll see what you mean about time 💜🙃

-The Unconventional Mom✨

TERMS AND CONDITIONS

PRIVACY POLICY

Copyright © 2023 · Theme by Marketing Templates Co.