• Bio
    • Professional Bio
  • Writing Samples
  • Blog
  • Contact Me

TUM

In For Parents The Co-Parent The Conscious Parent · April 28, 2022

Why Friend Breakups Happen More After Having Kids

0 0
Read Time:4 Minute, 10 Second

People say that your friends drop like flies when you enter motherhood, and it’s true – not just because your friends fall away, but you decide it’s time to move on too.

Yes, it’s a given that we grow out of certain friendships, and yes, you’ll make new ones, but sometimes these people aren’t replaceable; sometimes, they are your people.

When you reach a level of adulthood where friendships are more profound, the fallout can be more painful than we anticipated. It is the grief you didn’t see coming.

As someone who experienced a lot of loss in her life, death became less intimidating, yet breakups seemed to be traumatic – We are still alive and have another chance; why can’t we settle our difference and choose this friendship?

That’s not how life goes. 

Friendships like this are mirrors for us, they are a direct reflection of something we have yet to acknowledge, and that’s letting go.

Letting go doesn’t mean shutting everyone out. It doesn’t mean cutting people off from a place of hurt or rejection.

It’s not saying, “this friend doesn’t get me, and I’m better off without them.”

It’s not victimizing yourself by saying, “I don’t deserve this,” when they decide to leave your life.

What’s being illuminated is not the release of the person themselves, but the attachment to the person, the attachment to the relationship and what it does for you, and the attachment to the outcome.

These lessons are never really about external forces, it’s always about an internal conversation and how we decide to choose what we want for ourselves when it comes to relationships.

Here’s what I learned about friendships along the way:

It’s Never Personal

Even if there was a falling out, things got nasty, and tensions were high – the break-up is not personal. One of the things I needed to make a natural response was allowing people to leave when they wanted to because it’s never about my worth or what I can or can’t bring to the table as a friend. Sometimes it can be as small as timing, and when you are in two different life stages, like being a mom and being a singleton, it can really cause a dissonance that is hard to ignore. 

The reality is that we are changing all the time, but not everyone is growing. Sometimes we jog together for miles, and sometimes some of us fall behind and decide to call it right then and there. Others catch their breath and make their way up, and some sprint the whole way.

Especially if you still have friends from high school or younger, you are bound to have one or two take a sharp left, because neither of you had come into your own yet to realize you aren’t actually a good match.

Whether they stick around or not, or it’s you that calls it quits, what they choose is not your problem.

It Can Be A Blessing In Disguise

Even when we subconsciously know it’s time to walk away from a friendship, we will stay because both people just love too much. How I see it is this: You are back to back with a rope tied at your waists, and when you walk forward, you’re keeping each other in the same spot.

Even though you love them, you could be holding them back from greater things and vice versa. 

Comfort is where dreams go to die! And as scary as it is to let go of their hands, you’ll be happy that you did.

It’s hard to accept when people are better off without you, but that means they are not for you in this season of life, and you will attract the ones who are.

Occasionally, They Circle Back

This is what I call zero point – the moment where you let everything go, only so you can have it all.

Many people are afraid to make it to this point – to walk the lone road, to experience the dark night of the soul.

It takes courage to get here – it takes balls.

It requires you to not only detach yourself from people, experiences, and outcomes but demands total acceptance of that detachment.

You can’t let it all go and judge others who have not – This is an honoring of yourself and others. Only then can you walk the lone path with enough stamina to keep going, with enough faith to feed your starving soul, because the only person that can feed it is yourself.

Here in this total exaltation, gifts float in like tiny presents descending with parachutes, all the things you wanted but no longer need.

And sometimes, the universe will surprise you with the very people you never thought you’d connect with again, this time at a deeper level, and in alignment for both of you.

Share

Facebook
Twitter
Pinterest
LinkedIn

About Post Author

Krystal Martinez

Krystal is a writer and content creator for The Unconventional Mom. As a healer and spiritual teacher, she uses her knowledge of self to curate messages focused on the sovereign state. Krystal is also mother to a toddler, and a freelance writer for various brands and businesses.
support@theumom.com
http://theumom.com
Happy
Happy
0 0 %
Sad
Sad
0 0 %
Excited
Excited
0 0 %
Sleepy
Sleepy
0 0 %
Angry
Angry
0 0 %
Surprise
Surprise
0 0 %

2 Comments

You may also like

About Krystal Martinez

Krystal is a writer and content creator for The Unconventional Mom. As a healer and spiritual teacher, she uses her knowledge of self to curate messages focused on the sovereign state. Krystal is also mother to a toddler, and a freelance writer for various brands and businesses.

Average Rating

5 Star
0%
4 Star
0%
3 Star
0%
2 Star
0%
1 Star
0%
(Add your review)

2 thoughts on “Why Friend Breakups Happen More After Having Kids”

  1. Deirdre says:
    May 2, 2022 at 7:04 pm

    It’s very true and I’ve come across this in my life before. Very insightful

    Reply
  2. דירה דיסקרטית בירושלים says:
    July 30, 2022 at 9:20 am

    Can I simply say what a comfort to find someone who actually understands what they are discussing on the net. You definitely understand how to bring an issue to light and make it important. More people should check this out and understand this side of the story. I was surprised that you are not more popular since you most certainly have the gift.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
  • Pinterest
“A Butterfly In Passing,” by me 😉 “A Butterfly In Passing,” by me 😉
For some people family comes first, but not everyo For some people family comes first, but not everyone. Sometimes family is abusive. Sometimes they’re are toxic, or sometimes they simply don’t choose us. You are not obligated to put people first that hurt you or are bad for your mental health. Let’s normalize putting people first who make us feel safe - and that includes ourselves. Choose yourself by creating safe space for yourself, first, and then prioritize your relationships with that in mind- you’re worth it 💖

Follow for more @the_u_mom ✨
For some people family comes first, but not everyo For some people family comes first, but not everyone. Sometimes family is abusive. Sometimes they’re are toxic, or sometimes they simply don’t choose us. You are not obligated to put people first that hurt you or are bad for your mental health. Let’s normalize putting people first who make us feel safe - and that includes ourselves. Choose yourself by creating safe space for yourself, first, and then prioritize your relationships with that in mind- you’re worth it 💖

-The Unconventional Mom✨
I think everyone, at some point in their life, rom I think everyone, at some point in their life, romantic or platonic, has experienced this. We have had fathers leave us as young children, and mothers who are right in front of us but have mentally checked out. We’ve fallen in love with people who decided they didn’t love us back or had siblings that we poured our love into and it has never been reciprocated.

Let’s talk about why — link in bio!

- The Unconventional Mom✨
Felt called to share this one ✨❤️‍🔥 Felt called to share this one ✨❤️‍🔥
Yep — I’m talking to you!! My people who gras Yep — I’m talking to you!!

My people who grasp onto to daily schedules and goals and value self discipline, I am talking to you.

Let’s dive in to what it actually means to push yourself, and how you can shift that to a more aligned experience.

Click the link in our bio, or find the article in our “Article” highlight!

-The Unconventional Mom✨
Kids decide how they see themselves based on what Kids decide how they see themselves based on what they are seeing and experiencing in their family dynamics.

I love the videos of parents having their kids do affirmations in the mirror, but how many parents are actually doing them daily on their own? This is what your kids are actually absorbing.

We put so much focus on “teaching” our kids directly when the way they learn is by watching.

Instead focus on loving YOURSELF, so your child witnesses what it looks like to love yourself and choose yourself. What it looks like to have self love and empathy.

Talk about how you feel in front of your kids, like how grateful you are for tonight’s dinner and how much you love pasta.

Look at your curves and rolls in the mirror while you’re getting ready and say out loud in front of your kids and tell them how much you love your body and your outfit.

Show your kids how you work to better yourself everyday, and this will be your child’s natural instinct.

They will naturally do all these things with no direct lesson from you.

EMBODY the person you want your child to be.

Follow for more @the_u_mom ✨
Let’s talk JOY, baby. Click the link in our bio Let’s talk JOY, baby. Click the link in our bio our in our article highlights to get the scoop ❤️‍🔥

-The Unconventional Mom✨

#creating #creation #creatingjoy #sparkingjoy #consciousliving #consciousparent #consciouswriting #consciouswriter #freelancelife #freelancewriter #blogger #lifestyleblog #lifestylebloggers
Life is LONG when you choose to fully live in the Life is LONG when you choose to fully live in the PRESENT moment. When you relish in the seconds, time does something magical- it stretches and contracts. 

In this space you’ll see that life isn’t short, no in fact it gives you the time to be all the people you want to be.

I’m in my early 30s and I can tell you I have loved many lifetimes.

One where I travelled the world with friends in college.

Another where I worked in corporate, and another when I lost it all.

We are always putting pressure on ourselves to “get it right” but is there such a thing?

Live for who you want to be right NOW and you’ll see what you mean about time 💜🙃

-The Unconventional Mom✨

TERMS AND CONDITIONS

PRIVACY POLICY

Copyright © 2023 · Theme by Marketing Templates Co.