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In For Parents · June 22, 2022

Why The People You Choose Don’t Choose You Back

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I think everyone, at some point in their life, romantic or platonic, has experienced this. We have had fathers leave us as young children, and mothers who are right in front of us but have mentally checked out. We’ve fallen in love with people who decided they didn’t love us back or had siblings that we poured our love into and it has never been reciprocated.

In more ways than one, we often choose people who don’t choose us. It’s a very complex stirring that occurs when this happens to you, it brings up many different emotions, and the emotions that surface due to these experiences are different for everyone because everyone has chosen different experiences.

Regardless of how you do, it fucking hurts. It sends us down a rabbit hole of thoughts, like “Why do I always want men who don’t want me? What did I do to deserve this? When will it end? When will someone finally choose me?

The answer is, and always will be when you choose yourself.

What if I told you, that certain people have come in and out of your life with the specific purpose of not choosing you, and that it was for your highest good?

Twisted, huh?

Yep – we have perfectly orchestrated it all, and by we, I mean higher versions of ourselves, the ones who can see from the top of the mountains while we are lost under the trees, staring at the soil looking for answers.

You see, we come here to Earth, we have chosen the human experience, and the way we are able to learn here is through CONTRAST.

It is one of the single, most important tools in our tool belt to expand our consciousness.

Now, since we have been conditioned to function, and not only function, but with an illusion of happiness in a state of disempowerment, we need stronger “kickbacks” in order to shake us awake.

The programming of disempowerment is so strong, that we actually CALL IN experiences that show us how much  WE are NOT CHOOSING OURSELVES.

So you have these relationships, with your parents or your friends, or your partners where you fight and sacrifice and give up yourself to show them how much you choose them when they were never meant to choose you – because their decision to not choose you, is the KICK UP of the programming that implies you do not choose yourself.

Did I lose you yet? Let’s keep going 🙂

Let’s breakdown what I mean by “kickback”

I am using the reference from the movie Inception, and if you haven’t seen it, watch it immediately.

In this movie, they are charged with entering a man’s dream state all the way down to the inception point of thought, so they can place a thought that would grow to be perceived as his own idea.

This was broken down into several different levels of sleep, which they as a team would have to juggle while they made their way down the levels.

When they were down quite deep in these levels, they used a kickstart to jolt them back up the levels, like falling into water or off a chair. Liken it to falling asleep in class as a child and your head dropping would jolt you awake.

The trigger caused by not being chosen, KICKSTARTS programming, and emotion related to that programming all the way up through your bodies onto the surface, and boom, you’re on the hot mess express.

However, we tend to stop here and shift into the victim mindset because it is the natural transition when you function in a disempowered state.

So I am going to challenge you now, to decide not to choose victimization, but accountability. I want you to look in the mirror, and ask, what are the ways in which I am not choosing myself?

Begin the work – nothing that happens to you is here to hurt you, but to teach you, however you have to choose to come to class.

When you are in the space where you are your number one priority, that reflects out, which means you will call in experiences, and people, that are able to choose you, because you have, and you’ll notice that the ones are who choose you are able to because they have also chosen themselves.

Now it’s time to let go of the resentment- the grudges, notions, emotions, and distorted judgments you have held on certain people and moments, and realize that they are the reason you get to choose yourself.

Write them all down, and let them go with love, they have served you so well. Burn them, cut them up, toss them over a bridge – whatever feels most cathartic, and choose to clean your slate, have a good night’s sleep, and prepare for school tomorrow.

See you in class.

 

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About Post Author

Krystal Martinez

Krystal is a writer and content creator for The Unconventional Mom. As a healer and spiritual teacher, she uses her knowledge of self to curate messages focused on the sovereign state. Krystal is also mother to a toddler, and a freelance writer for various brands and businesses.
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About Krystal Martinez

Krystal is a writer and content creator for The Unconventional Mom. As a healer and spiritual teacher, she uses her knowledge of self to curate messages focused on the sovereign state. Krystal is also mother to a toddler, and a freelance writer for various brands and businesses.

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One thought on “Why The People You Choose Don’t Choose You Back”

  1. דירה דיסקרטית בירושלים says:
    July 30, 2022 at 9:21 am

    Can I simply say what a comfort to find someone who actually understands what they are discussing on the net. You definitely understand how to bring an issue to light and make it important. More people should check this out and understand this side of the story. I was surprised that you are not more popular since you most certainly have the gift.

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“A Butterfly In Passing,” by me 😉 “A Butterfly In Passing,” by me 😉
For some people family comes first, but not everyo For some people family comes first, but not everyone. Sometimes family is abusive. Sometimes they’re are toxic, or sometimes they simply don’t choose us. You are not obligated to put people first that hurt you or are bad for your mental health. Let’s normalize putting people first who make us feel safe - and that includes ourselves. Choose yourself by creating safe space for yourself, first, and then prioritize your relationships with that in mind- you’re worth it 💖

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For some people family comes first, but not everyo For some people family comes first, but not everyone. Sometimes family is abusive. Sometimes they’re are toxic, or sometimes they simply don’t choose us. You are not obligated to put people first that hurt you or are bad for your mental health. Let’s normalize putting people first who make us feel safe - and that includes ourselves. Choose yourself by creating safe space for yourself, first, and then prioritize your relationships with that in mind- you’re worth it 💖

-The Unconventional Mom✨
I think everyone, at some point in their life, rom I think everyone, at some point in their life, romantic or platonic, has experienced this. We have had fathers leave us as young children, and mothers who are right in front of us but have mentally checked out. We’ve fallen in love with people who decided they didn’t love us back or had siblings that we poured our love into and it has never been reciprocated.

Let’s talk about why — link in bio!

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My people who grasp onto to daily schedules and goals and value self discipline, I am talking to you.

Let’s dive in to what it actually means to push yourself, and how you can shift that to a more aligned experience.

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Kids decide how they see themselves based on what Kids decide how they see themselves based on what they are seeing and experiencing in their family dynamics.

I love the videos of parents having their kids do affirmations in the mirror, but how many parents are actually doing them daily on their own? This is what your kids are actually absorbing.

We put so much focus on “teaching” our kids directly when the way they learn is by watching.

Instead focus on loving YOURSELF, so your child witnesses what it looks like to love yourself and choose yourself. What it looks like to have self love and empathy.

Talk about how you feel in front of your kids, like how grateful you are for tonight’s dinner and how much you love pasta.

Look at your curves and rolls in the mirror while you’re getting ready and say out loud in front of your kids and tell them how much you love your body and your outfit.

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I’m in my early 30s and I can tell you I have loved many lifetimes.

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